Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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