Dual....:-)
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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