so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
