He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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