woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
