he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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