Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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