I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
