My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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