I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize