I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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