well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
