I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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