if you like me you must not know who I am
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
