Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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