There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize