Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
