Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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