I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think i have herpe
just one?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
