I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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