I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
