Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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