chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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