getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
