I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
