then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I love black thongs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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