is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There's a naked man in my car right now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
