you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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