I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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