Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
being pregnant is like rehab
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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