the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
