Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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