I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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