Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
