You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
