My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
