Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You made out with two different species that night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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