i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
