When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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