just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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