this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
