It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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