At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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