I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
