I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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