Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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