I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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