After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
