i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
organizing the empties. That sober.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
