Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
