No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
