I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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