Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
