i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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