One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
