i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you made out with another girl for some wings
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
