I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
