My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
