We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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