"it" just moved
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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