I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
