this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
