Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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