I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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