When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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