How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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