i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
