I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
