When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
