Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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