How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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