I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize