She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
