Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
