she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
