I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
what the fuck happened to the tacos
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
