RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
