she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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