how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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