Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my liver is dry heaving
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
