FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i love accidental penises.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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