I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
