mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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