he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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