Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize