I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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