he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
