I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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