So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize