Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
