His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize