haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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