Is it normal to miss your booty call?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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