In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
