You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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