and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize