At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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