I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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