my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
