Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
