duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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