i already hear my dad disowning me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
