My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
