Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
