I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
third nipple confirmed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
