Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
